The Fault in Our 'Verse
by MayBates
Summary: .:SPOILERS:. The Universe Battle has left the crew of Serenity broken. Kaylee sees the death of Wash in black and white. Simon helps her see the gray. First fanfiction, reviews are appreciated! Completed for your reading, enjoy!
1. Regrets and Sorrow

The Fault in Our 'Verse

Chapter 1

* * *

Kaylee was curled up in a cold corner of her engine room. Small, silvery tears streamed down her face, like raindrops on a window. Her auburn hair was messy, as if she actually cared to fix it. _Nothing mattered anymore._ Serenity's engine hums were low and somewhat sad, as if Serenity was asking what was wrong. Kaylee hugged her knees to her chest, withdrawing herself further from Serenity or anyone. She heard the mournful bustle of her crewmates as they tried to keep themselves occupied enough not to face the truth. _Wash was gone._ Kaylee couldn't handle herself. She felt like a five-year-old who was told that her gerbil died. But this was bigger than that. This was bigger than anything.

Simon couldn't find Kaylee. He was pretty worried; Kaylee didn't handle death particularly well. And this wasn't one of River's infuriating games of hide and seek._ Is she okay?_ His first bet was that she was out on Serenity, possibly washing all the blood and gore applied to Serenity's exterior to help them pass through Reaver space. He only found Inara repainting Serenity's symbol. After that it seemed obvious were Kaylee was. The engine room.

Kaylee could look only at her hands. They were small, with many small scars from sharp objects in the engine, burns from whenever the engine caught on fire and so on. She could name all of the places they had been when she got those scars. She acquired most of them when they were out in the black, but there were various ones from when they were in the world. There was Whitefall, Triumph, Higgins' Moon, St. Albans, and Miranda.

Simon started towards the engine room. He grew concerned about how Kaylee was feeling; he was a doctor after all. At Mr. Universe's home, Kaylee was shot by poison darts during the Reaver attack. Simon was wondering if either the medication or the poison could be altering her mood. Walking with a limp, he got to the engine room door.

Kaylee could hear his walking about. After all, who had a limp besides Mal or Simon? Mal had the rest of the crew to distract, so she was sure it was Simon. She sat up a little bit.

Simon knocked gently on the door before coming in. Kaylee wiped her face with the sleeve of her coveralls.

Simon looked at her. His gaze was full of empathy. All of that madness was hard on all of them. He slowly and cautiously made his was over to Kaylee, gingerly kneeling down next to her. He caringly slipped his well-muscled arm around her. "Kaylee…" He began." I know all of this is hard on all of us, but sitting away from everyone and keeping to yourself like this isn't going to help anyone".

Kaylee looked up at him, tears continuously falling. He then slowly wiped away the tears on her wet cheek. Simon hated when she got sad like this.

"No, it's all _my_ fault." Kaylee said, her voice shaking. She buried her face into her arms and started to cry more.

"Kaylee, what are you talking about?"

"It's _my_ fault Serenity spun out of control. I wasn't in the engine room. It's _my _fault that we didn't land smoothly." She began to sob. " It's _my _fault Wash died!"


	2. Closure and Perfection

Chapter 2

* * *

Kaylee shook with sobs as Simon hugged her. _She thinks all of this was her fault._ Her eyes were clouded with tears as she grasped Simon's shirt, bringing her closer to him. Simon immediately wanted to deny her thoughts on what happened. "Kaylee, that wasn't your fault…,_ none_ of this was your fault." Simon took her small hand in his as she began her counterargument.

"Wash needed me down there…to steady the ship. He was counting on me" .Kaylee looked up into his ice- blue eyes. But there was nothing cold about them. She was so innocent…how could anything like this happen to her.

"Kaylee" Simon began. "If you stayed down there you would have gotten hurt. The engine was on fire. It would have burned you."

"It should've" She said darkly. "_I'm_ the one who should have died. I should've stayed down there." Kaylee curled up again. "I should be dead!" She yelled.

Simon couldn't believe what he was hearing. Kaylee, so bright, so happy… turned into someone completely different. He felt like he was losing her. The engine room grew so cold. Simon enfolded her in his warmth, and her tears fell on his shirt. He couldn't care less. At that moment, the only thing he cared about was her. He gently stroked her hair in an attempt to calm her down.

"Don't say that…," Simon said, "Ever". He looked into her eyes. His own eyes watered. Simon pulled Kaylee even closer to him. He pulled her into a hug. Her small body was so small and trifling as she pressed into Simon. He closed his eyes as a tear streamed down his cheek.

* * *

"_Where's Wash?" Kaylee asked, concern growing._

"_He ain't coming." Zoe said flatly._

_Her eyes widened in shock and remorse. Kaylee was devastated. It was her fault. Her fault. She felt like she had been shot. She was sure it was nothing compared to what Zoe was feeling. Zoe might as well shoot her now. _

_It was her fault. Zoe's words echoed in her head. "He ain't coming." She knew this was the torment she deserved._

* * *

The dinner table was utterly quiet. No Wash to tell jokes. Just the crew. None of them had anything to say. They sat in deafening silence. Simon looked over to Kaylee. She was looking down, not talking, not eating. Simon took her hand gently from under the table. She flinched as he rubbed her hand with his fingers. Her eyes lacked the usual shine. They were faded, grey, so alien to their original warm green.

She knew she daren't say anything. If she said nothing perhaps they would forget she was there. After all, that's the way it should be.

Kaylee lay in her bunk. She could hear Simon pacing upstairs. Metallic steps echoed around the room.

Simon was disturbed. He couldn't eat or think…his mind just kept racing back to her. He had to fix this. He knew he had to make her see his view on things. He thought out what he would say, but it was easier thought out that actually done. Simon knocked before he warily made his way down her ladder.

He, once again joined beside her. She didn't look at him, didn't even blink as he brushed the hair from her face. "Kaylee…this _isn't _you fault. There are so many things _I've_ done wrong in _my_ lifetime. There are so many imperfections, anywhere a person looks. But when I look at you, there is one thing I see…"

_Perfection._


End file.
